Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Election Night 2008 - How it might Happen....

To all my Conservative Friends (and a few Democrats):

NOVEMBER 4 – Election Night…..

6:00pm EST – You leave the office and have heard all day and all week that all the most updated polls had Barry up 6-14 pts and all the news shows are talking about Obama’s cabinet and his first 100 days and how much of a landslide will this be…. The country “has moved to the left” they say and Obama could win 375-400 electoral votes and win the popular vote by double digits and have a “mandate”!!!! A “sure landslide of historical proportions” decries the liberal media talking heads!!!!

6:40pm EST - You stop by the local pizza joint and grab a pie and a bottle of diet coke and head home to watch the carnage with the family. It will be a train wreck you tell yourself – you should just go home and go to bed, but you can’t – you must watch because, hey, ya never know….

6:50pm EST – You get home and open the steaming pizza box as you turn on Fox News (MSDNC for my Dem. Friends) – As you twist open the bottle of Diet Coke you don’t realize its exploding all over your pizza because your fixated on listening to Brit Hume saying “we are ten minutes away from the polls closing in some key battleground states and we will be able to report some surprising results at that time.”
The screen then shows the polls that close include Virginia and Indiana and you start to remember that GOP Mike has said that if Obama wins Virginia it will be very hard for McCain to recover….. So you start to resign yourself to the fact that its President Obama!! Oooooh a chill just ran down my spine!!!! Sorry…
You grab a slice a pizza and angrily shove it into your mouth as Brit goes to a commercial break……

7:00pm EST – As you take a big gulp of your diet coke, the screen flashes – “Election Update” – and Brit comes on and says “Its’ 7:00 pm in the East and the polls have closed in some key states and Fox News has declared that John McCain will win the state of Indiana and its 11 electoral votes” As you see the screen flashing with a checkmark next to McCain’s name and the state of Indiana colored red on the map you say, Yeah - we knew Indian was ours!!! What about Virginia????
The Brit comes back and says “The polls have also closed in the hotly contested state of Virginia and Fox News has deemed that state too close to call”. You say to yourself - -Great, as long as we can hold off the inevitable, the better!!!!
Brit and the panel go into a discussion about why is Virginia so close when Obama was 8-12 pts up in all the polls… They start discussing the exit polls and saying how well McCain did with late deciders and among conservatives and self-described independents….. You start to say to yourself, hey wait a minute, this isn’t the Barry script, he was suppose to sweep everything and be crowned King of the World tonight…..
You start feeling a little giddiness, but stop yourself and remain claim….. You grab for another slice of what seems to be an ever-improving tasty pie…..

7:30pm EST
As you clean up the pizza and start thinking about dessert, Brit comes back and says “Its 7:30 in the East and the polls have just closed in the key battleground states of Ohio and West Virginia and Fox News can declare that John McCain has won the state of West Virginia and its 5 electoral votes. The polls have also closed in the ultimate of swing states of Ohio and Fox News has determined that this state is too close to call”
You say to yourself, Hmmmm, Obama really put a lot of effort into Ohio and if he doesn’t win there, well…. Naaahhhh….
The panel really starts to analyze what this means and analyzing the polling data that shows that Ohioans who had a positive view of Joe the plumber had voted for McCain 80-12….. Just as the Juan Williams is spouted off some Nobama talking point, Brit interjects “Juan, I hate to interrupt, but Fox News can now make a call in the state of Virginia…… and we can predict that Senator John McCain will carry Virginia and its 13 electoral votes.”
You can almost hear the giddiness in Brit’s voice as this is a major blow to the Obama camp as this was a major key to their strategy to pull this state from the Republicans…. Your phone starts buzzing with texts and emails from your friends about this unforeseen turn of events…. Could this actually happen?? Could the Messiah lose this election that was in the bag for weeks????? You say to yourself – Wait a minute…. There is a long way to go…Remain calm….

8:00pm -10:45pm EST
As the night draws on, the results become obvious, the blowout that the Democrats and their partners in the media had predicted has not materialized…. The youth vote, surprise, never showed up. The senior vote was extremely large this year in support of one of their own…. The Jewish vote has come out surprisingly strong for McCain and the independents and late deciders came home to McCain in the last 5 days…. And this proved to be decisive for the Maverick Republican….
As other polls closed, it was apparent the pattern, Florida to McCain, Ohio to McCain, Missouri to McCain and Minnesota and Pennsylvania (blue states) too close to call and, the final nail in Barry’s coffin, Colorado and Nevada to McCain to put him over the top at 10:45 pm ….. Fitting finish for the gambling fighter pilot from Arizona that Las Vegas had clinched the White House for him…
At the end of the night, McCain had carried all the ’04 Bush states less Iowa and New Mexico and won the popular vote by 2 pts… 51 to 49 and squeezed out a narrow victory in the electoral college of 274-264….

11:15 pm EST – As you switch over to MSDNC to hear what Chris “thrill up my leg” Matthews and Keith Overbite’s excuses are for their boy’s most stunning beat down, cameras show Barry in his motorcade on his way to his concession speech while you turn the coffee pot on for some java as you have no problem staying up late to revel in the glory of the Dems snatching defeat from the jaws of victory…..
Aaaah, what a great night sleep this will be……

A Pipe dream???? Maybe, but hey, ya never know……..

GOP Mike


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