Tuesday, January 13, 2009

GOP Mike's Gripes - A Conservative's Top 10 Commuter Pet-Peeves...

To my Conservative Friends:

Since it is a slow news day, I would like to comment on a topic that has been sitting in my craw for some time...

I, like many of you, commute to work and often use mass transit. Therefore, I am constantly amazed at the absolute, unabashed, naked selfishness of people. I live near New York City, which is comprised of approximately 75%-80% of the most bed-wetting, out-of-touch liberal socialists there are. So you would think the caring, open-minded, sensitive, PC libs of the big city should show some civility and care about their fellow man. Well, think again. The moonbat-libs of NYC are some of the rudest, most selfish people you would ever want to kick in the ass..

My commute is not a long one - Only about a 35-40 minute train ride. But those 40 minutes represent a microcosm and a window on the soul of the most self-absorbed libs of the No.1 Metropolis in the world...

So, without further ado, here are my TOP 10 Pet-Peeves of my commute with the most obnoxious, demoncrats you can imagine:

# 1 - The "oblivious" line-cutter

When I arrive at the train station about 5 minutes prior to the train arriving, I get in line behind the people that have been there longer as they should be able to enter the train first since they have been standing in the cold longer and where there first. However, don't you love when the train is coming and here comes the ass-hole who runs up to the train 2 seconds before it pulls in and expects to get in first!!! He tries to sneak his way on the side of the line, like we don't notice that there is a prick cutting the line.. What balls!!!

He almost makes it until he mysteriously gets a taste of my elbow!!!

# 2 - The Lonely Lib

Once I find my seat, I sit down in the seat furthest away from anybody and either close my eyes, look out the window or check my emails on my Blackberry. I basically come in, sit down and try not to do anything that will bother anyone else on the train. And then the idiot enters the train and has 15 seats to choose from, but he has to sit next to me!!!

What is this guy lonely or something?? Let me give this lonely lib a nickels worth a free advice - get a dog...

# 3 - The Stripper

Once this dim-bulb decides that the seat next to me is going to be his, he proceeds to undress for the next 3-5 minutes... First the coat comes off, then the man-scarve and gloves peel off as he puts them carefully in the sleeve of the coat. Then the sissy's hat comes off and in the coat pocket that goes. Then he futily tries to toss all his crap on the shelf over my head with a girly-throw and finally succeeds on the 3rd attempt after hitting me on his first 2 lame attempts...

I mean, why can't this softie just sit down and be quiet with his coat on... Its not like he's going to be here for 3 hours and conduct a Daily Kos seminar!! It's a half-hour train ride you schmuck!!!! Find your seat, sit down and shut up so you don't disturb anyone.... But no, this yokel has to organize his whole wardrobe so he is comfortable and you have no choice but to have to watch him and his whole routine... And the worst part about it is he starts the whole process in reverse about 5 minutes before we pull in to NYC... So, the appeaser is actually only seated about 20-25 minutes or so...

What an ass!!!!

# 4 - The Reader of the Ancient Scrolls

Once this troll finally decides to park his fat-ass in his seat, he can't just sit there and not bother anyone. Out comes the NY Slimes as he unfurls the tabloid like he's a member of the Ancient Roman Senate reading the scrolls to the Emperor. By the time he opens the entire rag, his hold on the paper resembles the wingspan of an African Condor....

He proceeds to spend only 6-7 seconds on each page (just enough time to gather the socialist talking points for the day), so he is constantly making noise as he turns each page in between licking his finger (I assume its the left middle-finger...). The only page he spends anytime on is the Slimes' editorial diatribe that no doubt contains another endless Bush-bashing, American-blaming rant.

How maddening....

# 5 - Harry & the Blow-Hard..

I know its cold out and sometimes your nose can run. And occasionally you have to take care of business. But does this panty-waste have to clean out every snot in his Big-Bird Beak that has existed since the Clinton Administration. I mean c'mon, show some decorum you selfish ass!!!

Either try to do it quietly in your seat and hold off the major house-cleaning until we arrive at the station in 10 minutes!! Or, better yet - go to the bathroom - That's what they are there for you looney snob!!!!

But no, this elitist does not care who he annoys as long as he's comfortable and his nostrils are clear.

# 6 - The Self-Absorbed Lady Yackers

Here is one for the ladies....

In the morning, I am not 100% awake and in no mood to have a rollicking conversation with anyone... But not the lady yackers... Nooooo.....


These are the type that refuse to talk in a quiet, conversational tone so as not to engage the whole damn train in their conversation... Its almost like these hags want the whole train to hear about their "gifted" Susi or their "brilliant" Timmy.... Or their "like, amazing new boyfriend who is like, totally awesome!!!"

When I run into these ladies, you can't help but listen to how special little Johnny is or how talented her little Adam is while performing Jingle Bells on his kazoo at the schools' PC - Holiday Parade of Lights!!! So, if I am forced to listen, I play the Selfish game... I listen and count which lady says more I's, me's, and my's in a 60-second period... The winner will get a copy of Hillary's, "It takes a Village".

I mean these ladies don't even listen to each other.. One tells a story about her kid and then the other lady doesn't even acknowledge what the other one said and immediately goes into her story.... What type of "friends" are these women anyway??? They could not care less about each other.

I could go 5-10 minutes before I hear one of them actually ask the other a question that they don't relate back to themselves... "My Johnny does this" and "My Adam does that"...

Absolutely nauseating....

#7 - I gotta have my cup a Kawfeee!!!!!!

I have no problem with anyone drinking their coffee, juice or whatever in the morning. Do what floats your boat... But the Kawfee drink-uhs that have to take a sip every 10 seconds with the sound effects of "tst, tst, tst, aahhhh" after every sip is enough to make you want to hit them in the back of the head with a shovel...

And they can't just hold their $6 environmentally-friendly Starbucks cup of Frappachino in their hand.. Nooo, they have to put the coffee on the floor when they are 3/4 done and it invariable spills on the floor and makes its way all the way down the aisle onto every one's shoes....

What a bunch of selfish socialists....


#8 - Cell-Phone Psychos

These are the dim-lights that have to answer that cell phone no matter what.... First you hear the annoying ring-tone of some Beyonce or Mary J. Blige tune blaring out of the pocket-book of some sea-hag as she proceeds to rummage through what seems to be a 4lbs. bag of the remains of the junk-drawer in your garage... Your hoping it stops ringing before she finds it in that rats-nest she calls a bag, when she grabs it on the last ring, hits the button and screams in an otherwise silent train:




"HELLO!!!!! WHAT??? I'M ON THE TRAIN, CAN I CALL YOU BACK IN 10 MINUTES???

WHAT??? NO THE TRAIN... I WILL CALL YOU BACK IN TEN MINUTES... OK BYE...."

OK, now that you have totally pissed everyone off, Here is a tip for this brain-less flake - All the phones have a vibrate function and voicemail... Use them before we throw you out of the train like Billy Crystal threw Mamma!!!!

# 9 - Premature Exitation

Ya gotta love the people that have to stand up in the aisle hovering over you like impeding danger as we approach the destination. We have 4 more minutes of a train ride, another 2 minutes while they put-put to the end of the station, another minute before they open the door and at least another minute while all the other people ahead of you get off the train so we can exit.. Why would you want to stand humping the person ahead of you for 7-8 minutes when we can just sit here and exit like civilized human beings when its our turn to go.

So I ask them - Why the hell are you standing??? Sit the f--- down and relax - Your annoying the sh-- out of me as I have to smell your coffee breath and look at your the holes in your bag as you carelessly fling it around with no regard for who you hit in the head...

#10 - The Elevator Enema

When I finally make it to my office and ffind my way to the elevator banks, I am subjected to one more annoyance before my real workday commences... As I approach the elevators (of which there are 8) - I usually see one that has people in it with the doors closing and I always wave them off as to say - "Go ahead, you guys have been waiting to go up, please go"...

But do I get that same courtesy when I am in the elevator??? Noooo, I always get the selfish prick who tries to squeeze his way into the most crowded elevator even though he just arrived a second ago... This troll doesn't care how uncomfortable he makes everyone in the elevator as long as he gets on and saves 30 seconds for himself....

Another selfish act to top off a 40-minute annoyance of the morning commute.... So, as you can see, one of the most liberal cities in the world is full of the most selfish, self-absobed boobs you would ever not want to know.... I suppose they treat everyone like they treat me.... Or maybe they know I am a Conservtaive.....

Hope you enjoyed... Please share some of your pet-peeves with me...

Just my thoughts...

GOP Mike

15 comments:

  1. Spot on commentary. Thanks for the laughs. Count your blessings. You could be living in Illinois, the Land of Blago, which spawned the messiah who thinks that he is channeling the spirit of Abraham Lincoln in the White House.

    ReplyDelete
  2. The guy who's first at the bus stop, gets on the bus, reaches in his back pocket for his wallet, fumbles for his metro card, while the rest of the people on the line & on the bus are waiting patiently for him to find his card. Can't he do this before getting on the bus?????????????????????????????????

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous:

    this is similar to the first person in line at the light making a left turn and when the arrow turns green and they are sleeping at the wheel....

    ReplyDelete
  4. Wow... I always wanted to live in NYC... but it looks like a hassle having to deal with so many people per day.


    F that... I'll stick to Orlando where my morning commute is in my own car/space.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Trust me, Orlando Anonymous, you're better off. I moved to New York from Mobile, and the difference is astonishing. I went from a city of about 200,000 to one of almost 9 million (Double my home state's population!), and gave up a ten-minute drive to a 1.5 hour public transportation nightmare. All ten of the annoyances that Mike lists plus more plague my commute each day, made worse by the number of transfers I have to go through.

    For number two Anonymous, I hate that! Why can't people have their cards ready to go in advance? When I'm getting off the ferry and still have a football field to walk to get to the train I have my card out and in my hand! Or, if for some reason I can't get it out, I stand to the side and let others go until I have mine. People are just clueless and rude.

    You mean he's not channeling Abraham Lincoln, Jethro? Then what's that top-hat shadow he always seems to be casting behind him?

    As for me, I'm waiting for the Obamessiah to ascend bodily into Heaven to sit at the right hand of the Father come January 20th.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Your Liberal Friend:
    You didn't mention when:
    You are sitting on an aisle seat and someone comes by and gives you and good nudge and keeps going without a word.
    Unfortunately for your thesis, the last person to do that to me wore a teashirt emblazoned "PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN' with the STARS AND STRIPES promenently emblazoned on it.
    The guy before that had a jacket that said I love Sarah Palin and all other soccer moms.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Very funny my liberal confidant.... Ya see guys, even libs can be witty when they are not being bitter...

    I guess Barry's crowning next week has all you guys giddy with anticipation....

    One thing though my lefty brother... It's Hockey Mom's, not Soccer Mom's....

    That's so 90's.....

    GOP Mike

    ReplyDelete
  8. Mike,
    You sound like a pompous right wing nut. One of those that thinks you are always right and everyone is an idiot. First of all, I take the train to work every day too with uptight suits -just like you. I bet you think your kids are perfect too and are never going to do drugs and have premarital sex. Well buddy I hope your wife is home schooling them and they are living in a bubble. Because the walls you create around your children will backfire when they want to see what you are hiding from them. Because they can’t listen to the music their friends are listening to for example. As for your pet peeves for Liberals how about those conservative suits that ruined this country -just like you because they can’t run a business let alone their own family. I love watching these suits on the train. Talk about how they are in fear of losing their jobs every day. It makes my union job so much better. I am sure what I make as a tradesman is a lot more than half these idiots that work 12 hour days for a salary with no overtime. Plus I get a good laugh at the suits when I see them reach in their briefcase for a pen and they have their lunch stuffed in there. I once asked a suit if he liked lugging his lunch all the way into the city every day, and his response was it is to expensive to eat in city every day. Makes me laugh when his outfit cost about $500, but can afford a lunch in the city. Lastly, I hope next time you need a tradesman to fix your house that you call me, so I can make about a two hundred percent profit on you because you don’t know how to screw a light bulb in and have no clue what to do!!!! Just my thoughts on conservatives….

    ReplyDelete
  9. Wow - talk about class warfare - Lib style....

    The suits???? It sounds like the soc's and the greasers from the movie "The Outsiders!!!! Funny though....

    The article had no mention of blue-collar people being the target of my gripes. The gripes were aimed at inconsiderate people who are selfish and rude towards others around them... If that makes me pompous, then I missed something....

    In fact, some of the blue-collar trademens are some of the most considerate on the train and most of these guys are Conservatives.... So I don't know if your premise is sound...

    With regard to my family, my wife and I work hard and make a priority to raise our kids the right way and expose them to everything but make sure we discuss all the things they are going to be exposed to and tempted with... Once that is done, they will be educated by us not the school and be able to make good, solid decisions in life which I bet will be better that you and your liberal friends' kids who want society to dictate what their kids do as you hand them out free condoms and bongs and say "good luck"....

    And with regard to job security, I have no problem having to prove myself everday at work to ensure my job rather that some of the Union workers who know no matter how shitty you are at your trade, you can't be fired because of the union.... Thats what has killed the auto industry if you weren't paying attention....

    Why can't you just know that your a a good worker and will be in demand and have plenty of employment opportunities without the crutch of the Union to hold your tool-bag for you??? Is it that you may not be that good at what you do???? Just asking.... Because if you are, then fly free and demand your own price based on what you can do and provide... Not based on what some schmuck union head says your worth...

    And lastly, to assume that white-collar guys can't screw in light bulbs just shows how ignorant you are.... I do most of the work around my house if I have the time to do it by educating myself on what needs to be done and doing it... The reason we hire people to do that work sometimes is because we don't have the time and we choose to hire someone to do it..

    And I am sure all of the ethical union tradesmen out there are happy to have someone like you gauging people like the old lady who needs her garage door fixed....

    Or do you just rip-off "suits" as you call them?????

    ReplyDelete
  10. Sounds more like an austistic psychopath who can't stand other people around him, and who'd wish they all were sitting as sterilized statues and preferably, not there.

    Now we know who the sweating guy sitting alone, friendless and examining everyone with shifty eyes is.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Geez, Mike, what sick, perverted things did that angry, bitter failed piece of SHIT father do to you to make you project on to liberals so much?

    It's not liberals' fault a worthless piece of crap fathered you, boy. Take your problems out on that worthless subhuman, boy.
    Yes, waste the moron. Do the world a HUGE favor.

    ReplyDelete