
To my Conservative Friends:
Since it is a slow news day, I would like to comment on a topic that has been sitting in my craw for some time...
I, like many of you, commute to work and often use mass transit. Therefore, I am constantly amazed at the absolute, unabashed, naked selfishness of people. I live near New York City, which is comprised of approximately 75%-80% of the most bed-wetting, out-of-touch liberal socialists there are. So you would think the caring, open-minded, sensitive, PC libs of the big city should show some civility and care about their fellow man. Well, think again. The moonbat-libs of NYC are some of the rudest, most selfish people you would ever want to kick in the ass..
My commute is not a long one - Only about a 35-40 minute train ride. But those 40 minutes represent a microcosm and a window on the soul of the most self-absorbed libs of the No.1 Metropolis in the world...
So, without further ado, here are my TOP 10 Pet-Peeves of my commute with the most obnoxious, demoncrats you can imagine:
# 1 - The "oblivious" line-cutterWhen I arrive at the train station about 5 minutes prior to the train arriving, I get in line
behind the people that have been there longer as they should be able to enter the train first since they have been standing in the cold longer and where there first. However, don't you love when the train is coming and here comes the ass-hole who runs up to the train 2 seconds before it pulls in and expects to get in first!!! He tries to sneak his way on the side of the line, like we don't notice that there is a prick cutting the line.. What balls!!!
He almost makes it until he mysteriously gets a taste of my elbow!!!
# 2 - The Lonely LibOnce I find my seat, I sit down in the seat furthest away from anybody and either close my eyes, look out the window or check my emails on my Blackberry. I basically come in, sit down and try not to do anything that will bother anyone else on the train. And then the idiot enters the train and has 15 seats to choose from, but he has to sit next to me!!!
What is this guy lonely or something?? Let me give this lonely lib a nickels worth a free advice - get a dog...
# 3 - The StripperOnce this dim-bulb decides that the seat next to me is going to be his, he proceeds to undress for the next 3-5 minutes... First the coat comes off, then the man-scarve and gloves peel off as he puts them carefully in the sleeve of the coat. Then the sissy's hat comes off and in the coat pocket that goes. Then he futily tries to toss all his crap on the shelf over my head with a girly-throw and finally succeeds on the 3rd attempt after hitting me on his first 2 lame attempts...
I mean, why can't this softie just sit down and be quiet with his coat on... Its not like he's going to be here for 3 hours and conduct a Daily Kos seminar!! It's a half-hour train ride you schmuck!!!! Find your seat, sit down and shut up so you don't disturb anyone.... But no, this yokel has to organize his whole wardrobe so he is comfortable and you have no choice but to have to watch him and his whole routine... And the worst part about it is he starts the whole process in reverse about 5 minutes before we pull in to NYC... So, the appeaser is actually only seated about 20-25 minutes or so...
What an ass!!!!
# 4 - The Reader of the Ancient ScrollsOnce this troll finally decides to park his fat-ass in his seat, he can't just sit there and not bother anyone. Out comes the NY Slimes as he unfurls the tabloid like he's a member of the Ancient Roman Senate reading the scrolls to the Emperor. By the time he opens the entire rag, his hold on the paper resembles the wingspan of an African Condor....
He proceeds to spend only 6-7 seconds on each page (just enough time to gather the socialist talking points for the day), so he is constantly making noise as he turns each page in between licking his finger (I assume its the left middle-finger...). The only page he spends anytime on is the Slimes' editorial diatribe that no doubt contains another endless Bush-bashing, American-blaming rant.
How maddening....
# 5 - Harry & the Blow-Hard..
I know its cold out and sometimes your nose can run. And occasionally you have to take care of business. But does this panty-waste have to clean out every snot in his Big-Bird Beak that has existed since the Clinton Administration. I mean c'mon, show some decorum you selfish ass!!!
Either try to do it quietly in your seat and hold off the major house-cleaning until we arrive at the station in 10 minutes!! Or, better yet - go to the bathroom - That's what they are there for you looney snob!!!!
But no, this elitist does not care who he annoys as long as he's comfortable and his nostrils are clear.
# 6 - The Self-Absorbed Lady YackersHere is one for the ladies....

In the morning, I am not 100% awake and in no mood to have a rollicking conversation with anyone... But not the lady yackers... Nooooo.....
These are the type that refuse to talk in a quiet, conversational tone so as not to engage the whole damn train in their conversation... Its almost like these hags want the whole train to hear about their "gifted" Susi or their "brilliant" Timmy.... Or their "like, amazing new boyfriend who is like, totally awesome!!!"
When I run into these ladies, you can't help but listen to how special little Johnny is or how talented her little Adam is while performing Jingle Bells on his kazoo at the schools' PC - Holiday Parade of Lights!!! So, if I am forced to listen, I play the
Selfish game... I listen and count which lady says more I's, me's, and my's in a 60-second period... The winner will get a copy of Hillary's,
"It takes a Village".
I mean these ladies don't even listen to each other.. One tells a story about her kid and then the other lady doesn't even acknowledge what the other one said and immediately goes into her story.... What type of "friends" are these women anyway??? They could not care less about each other.
I could go 5-10 minutes before I hear one of them actually ask the other a question that they don't relate back to themselves... "My Johnny does this" and "My Adam does that"...
Absolutely nauseating....
#7 - I gotta have my cup a Kawfeee!!!!!!
I have no problem with anyone drinking their coffee, juice or whatever in the morning. Do what floats your boat... But the Kawfee drink-uhs that have to take a sip every 10 seconds with the sound effects of "tst, tst, tst, aahhhh" after every sip is enough to make you want to hit them in the back of the head with a shovel...
And they can't just hold their $6 environmentally-friendly Starbucks cup of Frappachino in their hand.. Nooo, they have to put the coffee on the floor when they are 3/4 done and it invariable spills on the floor and makes its way all the way down the aisle onto every one's shoes....
What a bunch of selfish socialists....
#8 - Cell-Phone PsychosThese are the dim-lights that have to answer that cell phone no matter what.... First you hear the annoying ring-tone of some Beyonce or Mary J. Blige tune blaring out of the pocket-book of some sea-hag as she proceeds to rummage through what seems to be a 4lbs. bag of the remains of the junk-drawer in your garage... Your hoping it stops ringing before she finds it in that rats-nest she calls a bag, when she grabs it on the last ring, hits the button and screams in an otherwise silent train:

"HELLO!!!!! WHAT??? I'M ON THE TRAIN, CAN I CALL YOU BACK IN 10 MINUTES???
WHAT??? NO THE TRAIN... I WILL CALL YOU BACK IN TEN MINUTES... OK BYE...."
OK, now that you have totally pissed everyone off, Here is a tip for this brain-less flake - All the phones have a vibrate function and voicemail... Use them before we throw you out of the train like Billy Crystal threw Mamma!!!!
# 9 - Premature ExitationYa gotta love the people that have to stand up in the aisle hovering over you like impeding danger as we approach the destination. We have 4 more minutes of a train ride, another 2 minutes while they put-put to the end of the station, another minute before they open the door and at least another minute while all the other people ahead of you get off the train so we can exit.. Why would you want to stand humping the person ahead of you for 7-8 minutes when we can just sit here and exit like civilized human beings when its our turn to go.
So I ask them - Why the hell are you standing??? Sit the f--- down and relax - Your annoying the sh-- out of me as I have to smell your coffee breath and look at your the holes in your bag as you carelessly fling it around with no regard for who you hit in the head...
#10 - The Elevator Enema

When I finally make it to my office and ffind my way to the elevator banks, I am subjected to one more annoyance before my real workday commences... As I approach the elevators (of which there are 8) - I usually see one that has people in it with the doors closing and I always wave them off as to say - "Go ahead, you guys have been waiting to go up, please go"...
But do I get that same courtesy when I am in the elevator??? Noooo, I always get the selfish prick who tries to squeeze his way into the most crowded elevator even though he just arrived a second ago... This troll doesn't care how uncomfortable he makes everyone in the elevator as long as he gets on and saves 30 seconds for himself....
Another selfish act to top off a 40-minute annoyance of the morning commute.... So, as you can see, one of the most liberal cities in the world is full of the most selfish, self-absobed boobs you would ever not want to know.... I suppose they treat everyone like they treat me.... Or maybe they know I am a Conservtaive.....
Hope you enjoyed... Please share some of your pet-peeves with me...
Just my thoughts...
GOP Mike